


Daffodil

by iisaax



Series: Inflorescence [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, Deaf Clint Barton, Ficlet, Genderfluid Character, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Transphobia, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-27 02:00:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15675762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iisaax/pseuds/iisaax
Summary: “Wouldn’t it be swell,” Bucky then said, forehead pressed into his neck, “If we could hop in one of those time-machines they say Stark is makin’, and go to a different time - one where people like me are okay to…” they laughed, bitterly and wet. “Toexist.”-daf·fo·dil/ˈdafəˌdil/1. a bulbous plant that typically bears bright yellow flowers2. represents uncertainty; new beginnings





	Daffodil

**Author's Note:**

> Hey again! More trans Bucky coming up.
> 
> Content warning: brief derogatory language, sad Bucky Barnes

Bucky had been in tears again, mad and stomping around the apartment when they got home that day from the docks. Steve had been snoozing on top of his open sketchbook, but with the bang of the front door shutting, had shot up, disoriented.

He blinked the sleep out of his eyes as Bucky hung up their jacket, then wrenched their hair out of the tie it was in, throwing the tie to the ground. They tore their sweaty shirt off over their head and tossed it in the same direction, storming towards the bathroom. The door slammed behind them, and Steve rubbed his face. He sighed, putting away his now smudged drawing. 

He dropped it off in the bedroom, then softly knocked on the bathroom door. 

“Buck?” he called. “You okay?”

Nothing, then a frustrated grunt. “‘M fine,” came muffled through the wood. Steve sighed again, settling himself on the ground next to the door. 

“You don’t sound fine,” he said, crossing his legs. 

No response. Steve leaned back against the wall, ready to wait as long as they needed. 

They turned out to need ten minutes, according to Steve’s watch. Steve turned to the sound of the door opening, and gasped.

“Buck, your hair!”

Bucky scowled and walked away. Their hair was all hacked off, cut down to the scalp. They dropped the scissors behind them, metal thudding against the floor. Steve stood, pushing himself up quickly. 

“Why’d you cut it off?? It was getting so long!” he cried, rushing after them.

“Because I’m _sick_ of looking like a fairy!” Bucky turning to jab a finger into his bony chest. “It’s bad enough they see me with you all the time - my hair bein’ long just makes it worse! Would have rather just gotten rid of _you_ , but we fuckin’ live together, so I made my choice,” they spat, turning back around.

They didn’t mean that. They couldn’t possibly… Steve scoffed. “Yeah, okay,” he said before he could help it. “Like getting rid of your hair is gonna make it any better.”

Bucky stopped in their tracks.

“They can probably _smell your perfume a mile away_. You can’t hide what you are, Buck,” he continued, glowering. “You’re a fairy, whether you like it or _not_.”

Bucky didn’t say anything, then shoved back past Steve, easily pushing him down, throwing the bedroom door closed behind them. 

Steve opened his mouth to retaliate, then paused. What was he doing? They were obviously upset by something. God, and he…

He stood up, tearing prickling at his eyes. He quickly knocked on the door, sniffling. 

“I- I’m sorry, Buck. I didn’t mean…” He sobbed, sudden. What if Bucky really wanted to move out? How would he afford the place? How would he manage not seeing them everyday? “I’m so sorry.”

No response, and Steve tried the door. Locked. Luckily, he knew to lift the knob and twist it just so, managing to wrench it open. 

Buck was standing facing away from him, clutching at something. Steve approached carefully, reaching a hand to touch them. He thought better of it at the last second, pulling his hand back, but noticed Bucky was shaking. 

“...Buck?” he asked quietly.

Bucky slowly turned, staring down at their skirt, mouth wobbling. They hiccupped, hands wrenching at the fabric. 

“Am I really a fairy, Steve?” they whispered. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me…”

Steve stepped forward to squeeze them in a hug. They held the garment between them, hands trembling. He rubbed a hand up and down their back. “Nothin’s wrong with you, Bucky…” he murmured. 

Bucky turned their head away from him, face screwing up. “Then why,” they sobbed. “Do people tell me how messed up I am? The guys at work caught me tryin’ to braid my hair and called me a pervert, a- a _queer_!”

Steve led them to sit on the bed, heart breaking. 

“They just don’t understand what they’re not used to,” Steve told them, still rubbing their back. “It’s not your fault.”

Bucky took a long while to calm themself. The two eventually scooted up onto the bed and laid down. Then finally, Bucky turned their head back towards Steve, cheeks wet, and nuzzled into him, whimpering.

“I know,” Steve said. “It’s not fair. I know.”

They stayed like that, embracing each other, for a few more minutes.

“Wouldn’t it be swell,” Bucky then said, forehead pressed into his neck, “If we could hop in one of those time-machines they say Stark is makin’, and go to a different time - one where people like me are okay to…” they laughed, bitterly and wet. “To _exist_.”

“Yeah,” Steve soothed, running a hand through their choppy hair. “That’d be swell. It’ll come, though. We may not live to see it, but it’ll come. I know it will.”

Bucky tilted their nose up a little bit, hiding from the world in Steve’s embrace. “I sure hope so,” they mumbled.

Steve smiled sadly at the ceiling. Yeah. He hoped so, too.

-

Steve holds them now, too, and they shake all the same.

“Shh,” he hushes them, rubbing a hand along their back. “We don’t have to do this today. Not until you’re ready.”

“I’m ready now,” Bucky tells him, voice wavering a bit. “I want to get it over with.”

Steve pulls back and looks at them, really looks. They’re a little pale, but has that determined look in their eyes; their jaw is set.

“Okay,” he says. “Stay here.”

Steve leaves them to prepare and enters the common room, where the usual amalgamation of people are milling around making breakfast. 

Tony spots him first, grinning. “If it isn’t Gramps!” he calls out. “Finally leaving the retirement home! You know, I’ve been inviting you to brunch for like five weeks now, and y-”

“Steve,” Natasha cuts him off. “Is everything okay?”

Steve suddenly finds several pairs of eyes on him, and the room is quiet except for Clint, who continues to eat his chips.

“Um,” Steve starts. “No, nothing’s wrong, but… Could I, ah… Could everyone listen up?”

Sam elbows Clint, who looks up and upon seeing Cap, chokes and turns on his hearing aid.

Steve takes a deep breath, stepping aside. “Bucky?”

Bucky walks out of the elevator, back straight as a rod. They march to a spot next to Steve, then bark, “I’m trans.” There’s silence, enough to hear a pin drop, then Bucky adds, faltering, “And gay. We’re gay.”

“Really gay,” Steve exhales. “Like _really_ -”

“Okay, okay, we knew that much,” Sam holds up a hand, chuckling, then serious. “So um, Barnes. You’re a girl, is what you’re saying?”

“Or you’re a guy, and coming out…?” Clint tilts his head.

Bucky shifts from foot to foot. “Yes,” they finally say.

“That’s not,” Tony starts, trailing off when Bruce gives him a look.

“They’re genderfluid,” Natasha says, eyes sparkling. “Thank you for telling us.”

Steve frowns as Bucky sits down, their knees starting to wobble. “How did you guess?” he asks, putting a hand on their shoulder. 

“I know James almost as well as you do, Rogers,” Natasha tells him. “I knew something was up.”

“What does that mean?” Tony asks. “Tinman-… Uh, Terminator’s both…?” He trails off again.

“Not both,” Sam says quietly. “How do you identify, Barnes?”

Bucky lifts their head, a little color having returned to their cheeks. “All. None. I don’t know.”

“And they don’t _have_ to know,” Steve adds in his Captain America voice.

Sam smiles warmly. “Of course,” he says, voice still soft.

“Do you…” Bruce speaks up. “Do you need anything?”

Bucky blinks. “Like what?”

“Well, hormones, blockers…I think I have a booklet around here somewhere…” He scuttles off, hands clasped.

Bucky’s brow furrows in confusion. They look up at Steve, who makes an I-don’t-know-either face. 

Pepper finally pipes up, bursting, “Another girl! Ah, I’m so happy. Want to come look at my clothes?”

“Yeah,” Natasha’s lips curl up. “We should go shopping.”

Bucky bites their lip, eyes starting to well up with tears. Steve kneels beside them. “Buck?”

Bucky smiles at him, watery. They laugh, once, and pull him into a hug. Steve grips them, burying his face in their hair. 

“We made it, Steve,” they whisper. 

Steve squeezes them harder. “Yeah,” he says, ignoring the people watching the them. “We did.”

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired to write this real quick by [this](http://ophiliad.tumblr.com/post/164277108881/i-hope-youre-all-aware-of-the-300-recently) post on tumblr. Speaking of tumblr, feel free to [follow](http://highrothgar.tumblr.com) me! (links to my side blog, where I post a lot of Marvel) 
> 
> Flower meaning is from [wikipedia.org](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plant_symbolism)
> 
> Thank y’all as always for reading!


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